First Apt. at the Fertility Clinic

   Yesterday was my first appointment at the Fertility Clinic. It was a two hour drive and I was anxious the whole way! I got very emotional on the way there. It was like another step in the infertility journey. It kinda hit me! I had a little pity party! We aren't in the 90% of couples who get pregnant after 18 months of trying. I got sad about this! Luckily, I posted on Facebook and some of my closest friend wrote they were praying for me! I felt so touched by this!
   We finally got to Syracuse and sat down for some Tim Horton's! I haven't had this since I was in college! It was a nice. I had a carmel apple bagel. It was a tad too sweet!
   We got to the fertility clinic. They got our information. They took our picture to put on our chart, so the doctor can see who he seeing before walking in the door. Then we waited for a bit.
   We got taken to the doctor's personal office. The doctor came in and asked a few basic questions. He explained that he believed in mixing Eastern and Western medicine. He began asking if we believed in God(yes). Do you believe he gives gifts?(yes). Do you believe he gives only good gifts?(yes). Then this is a gift. To which I replied, it doesn't feel like a gift. Is waking up every morning a gift?(yes). It's a gift! He told us that we will not know how much of a gift it will be until you achieve it. I am having a hard time wrapping my head about what he said. I wanted to revolt! It's not a gift! It's awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!
   He told me to keep the faith. He asked me what I was reading(Harry Potter). Don't read that he told me. I told him I was also doing devotions and the bible. Read that he said! Keep the faith. Then he asked some basic questions about my cycles. I told him I had my charts from temping every morning. I held them up so proud that I had been doing something. He told me that they don't tell you as much as you think. I felt defeated! I slouched down. He said don't take your temperature. It stresses you out too much! Did he just say, don't temp?? Then he explained that I would be getting an ultrasound and bloodwork soon. He then left saying he had to go "gather some eggs."
    We sat there waiting for our next phase. I could not get my head around the fact I wasn't suppose to take my temperature anymore. This is what I've been doing for 19 months. This is my control. I felt like he is pushing me to give it up. He wanted me to let happen how it was suppose to happen and not to stress out! He is all about not stressing! He wants us to do yoga, acupuncture, and massage. I was stressing. First he threw out my charts and told me not to take my temperature. Then I feel like he didn't talk to us enough to get our history and such. I think he was in a rush and had a lot of appointments, because our apt. changed twice. My husband thinks that he already looked at our charts and knew a lot of the information. Meanwhile, I am stressing.
   They took me into a new room. They explained that they do blood tests for a bunch of genetic disorders and the normal hormone levels. They take my blood. The doctor finally comes in and does an ultrasound. He tells us our quick plan of action. We'll do a couple IUIs, then if that doesn't work a laparoscopy, and then we will move on. That's about all he said and he was gone. I was thinking I would lay out our plan and discuss all our options. I was getting upset and started crying.
  The nurse sent in a financial person in. They went over our insurance. My new insurance covers all office visits with a 20$ co-pay, three medicated IUIs, and all ultrasounds and blood work. Wow! We are sooo lucky! I am so happy to get some good news. They sent in the lady that coordinates the outside of the clinic work. She will be our contact for results in our blood work and ultrasounds since we will be getting them done at the hospital near us.
   Finally the nurse came back explaining this cycle! She said we can start the IUI this cycle! She went over a long list of medicine. I am taking 100mg of Clomid, estrance(for my lining since Clomid can diminish it), and low dose Aspirin(to increase blood flow). Then on October 1st, I have my first ultrasound and blood work to see if it works. When I am ready I have a trigger shot and IUI. Then afterwords, I will be taking progesterone afterwords to decrease the risk of miscarriage. She explained everything and answered all our questions. That was it! We were on our way after two hours!
   On the way home, I felt overwhelmed with emotions and information. I have decided to just take a deep breath and trust the doctor. So, this is the beginning of a new chapter after being in limbo for like 6 months!
    If you read this very long post, here are some Tim Horton goodies!