I've been having a really rough time lately. I am finishing up cycle 10. Out of 10 cycles, I have ovulated for real once, and might have ovulated 2 other cycles. I just want to be normal, I want to ovulate like normal women. I want to have normal cycles, where I ovulate and have a chance to conceive. Out of 10, cycles, I've only had one chance to conceive. Then of course, the chances of getting pregnant is only 20%. I'm tired of tracking my cycle. I'm tired of getting my hopes up that I ovulated, only to find out that I didn't. I feel defeated. Not ovulating and trying for a baby is like trying to shoot a basketball, only only having a ping pong ball 9/10 times you shoot. It's impossible!
I keep crying out to God. I keep asking why me? I know he is there. I know he feels for me. I don't feel like it's a punishment or it's because he doesn't love me. I know that it will happen when he wants it to happen. He has a timing for everything, and guess what it's not my timing! I have to believe that with God all things are possible. That he gave me such a heart for kids, that somehow God will bless me with children. I have to wait. I have to be patient. I have to TRUST him.
Psalm 113:9: He makes the barren woman abide in the house As a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!
That being said. I still have a lot of questions, a lot of crying fits, a lot of frustrations. Some days I feel that I can get through this, other days I wonder how I will get through this. Some other days, I know I can get through this. One thing I know for sure is that God will get me through this. I will trust in him.
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